A Nice Guy's Guide to Dating Success

Has it ever happened to you? Have you ever had the

experience of liking a woman, being a perfect gentleman,

and treating her like a queen, only to have her reject

you in favor of someone else (possibly very handsome)

who doesn't treat her right, or doesn't seem to care

about her much at all? These kinds of men have been

called "bad boys," "charm boys," or "players." When

you are interested in women, do they tend to see you

as a friend or "brother" rather than a romantic

interest? Do women tell you you're "too nice"? If so,

you are not alone. This article will give you, the

nice guy, some tips on how to use charm-boy traits to

your advantage, while retaining your nice-guy values.



Let's brainstorm for a minute. What makes charm boys or

players attractive? They are fun, spontaneous, unpredictable,

mysterious, and act as if they don't care what others think

of them (also known as confidence). They follow their own

rules and don't let others (including their dates) walk all

over them. And they often look good.



So what can you do? You don't have to engage in risk-taking

behaviors in order to succeed with women. Suggest some

"safe" ideas on the spur of the moment; for example, "Let's

go get some sushi/ice cream/a Margarita," or, "Let's go for

a drive and see where we end up." If this is not the usual

"you," you may enjoy your new-found spontaneity. You can be

mysterious/unpredictable without violating your principles.

Don't call her the day after getting her phone number or the

day after a date. Give her time to wonder whether you'll

call; keep her guessing. People often want what isn't easy

to get, and women like a little challenge.



You're the man. Many women are looking for men who are

confident and decisive, who can be relied on to get things

done. On a date, take command but don't be pushy. Always

have a Plan A and a Plan B, so you don't miss the concert

just in case the restaurant loses your reservation and

there's a 1-1/2-hour wait. But always be flexible, in case

your date hates Chinese food, for example, or she just

told you her favorite musical group is in town, tonight

only. Low-cost dates conducive to getting to know each

other include the zoo, a museum, or miniature golf. In

addition to saving you money, these low-cost dates also

minimize the feeling that you have to "spoil" her or

"buy" her affection with an extravagant wining-and-dining

evening. And if she likes you, she won't mind a "cheap

" date; she just wants to be with you.



Keep it light and upbeat. Don't be needy or act nervous.

You might be a bit anxious while on a date, but she doesn't

need to know that. Keep things light and humorous, and pay

attention to her. That in itself will help you take the focus

off you and help you feel more confident. And be a gentleman

(you're already good at this). For example, always offer to

pick up the tab unless she insists on paying, open doors for

her, etc. But don't overdo the gifts, lest you appear desperate.



Let her talk. This is where nice guys have an advantage.

Most women like to communicate verbally and welcome the

chance to be heard. (But make sure you listen; don't just

let your mind wander.) She will be impressed if you

remember details about things that are important to her,

such as her pet's name or her favorite book. If you met

her online, review her profile for questions you can

ask her about her interests.



Neatness counts. Take another hint from the charm boys.

You don't have to be a Brad Pitt look-alike, but make

the most of what you have. Review your grooming,

clothes, and accessories with an objective eye. If you

want feedback, ask a friend--possibly a female friend--for

honest input. Or tune into one of the new TV shows which

focus on wardrobe/grooming tips for men.



Have a life (and a backbone). Just because you are dating a

woman doesn't mean you drop everything else (including your

own friends, hobbies, and interests). After all, relationships

can come and go. Keep being yourself. You are not always at

her beck and call. When you really don't want to do something

(for example, if she wants you to cancel your ballgame or night

out with your friends to go shoe shopping with her), it's okay

to decline. Telling her no may be difficult for nice guys, but

if she's worth keeping, she will respect you for this and value

her time with you more. To soften the blow, you might offer her

an alternative get-together. For example, "Sorry I can't make it

on Saturday. How about I take you to that new play you've been

wanting to see on Sunday instead?"



How does she rate? Remember: You have the right to evaluate

her, not just the other way around. Does she deserve a second

date? Is she relationship material (if that's what you're

looking for)? Just because she's attractive/smart/classy

doesn't necessarily mean she's right for you. Does she treat

you well? Is she kind? Does she have decent self-esteem? Is

she giving? If you're looking for a long-term relationship,

can you see yourself still with her in 20 years, when some of

the supermodel looks may have begun to fade?



The good news for nice guys is that as women get older, perhaps

having survived a bad-boy heartbreak or two, they are more

likely to appreciate nice guys. Make a list of your good points,

the qualities you have to offer. Keep at it. And start believing

that you are a catch (or at least act like it)!





Article written by Mark Jones.







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email: mark_jones321@yahoo.com